I am Chuck Norris. Clearly.

I consider myself a pretty clean person, but I go through phases where housework seems like the most dreadful chore known to man. Combine that with the fact that I live alone and hardly make any garbage, I don't end up taking the garbage out until it's full -- not a crazy thing.

Well. I started to notice a bit of an influx of unwanted visitors called...fruit flies. Ick. I don't leave food out and didn't see a noticeable source until I went to empty my garbage the other night. And I was attacked. Hundreds of fruit flies surged from the can and swarmed my kitchen.

Disgusting. Soooo disgusting.

Well...what do I do? I go on a fruit fly killing rampage. I had been training for this moment. Our apartment in Azerbaijan had been infested with mosquitoes that first winter and I was an expert at smashing their brains to pulp while they were still flying around unaware. I was especially good at it at 3 AM when I would switch on the light (much to my roommate's delight) and go on a hunt to find that mosquito who was repeatedly dive-bombing my head. Some days we would all keep score to see who was the mosquito killing master. We needed entertainment at times and it was a perfect fit.

Needless to say, I am the Chuck Norris of the fruit fly killing world. But, much to my disdain, the fruit fly numbers didn't seem to be decreasing.

Bring on Google.

First of all I banned my garbage can to my balcony. Mr. Garbage Can was so sad and defenceless but it had to be done.

And then, thanks to WikiHow (quite the little treasure) I devised the following traps...

Numero Uno...

I poured balsamic vinegar in a bowl, put a lovely partially peeled plum in the middle, tightly covered it with saran wrap and poked holes in the saran with a needle. The holes were supposed to allow the fruit flies to get in but, because of their apparent lack of skills, render them unable to escape.


Numero DOS!!

I poured balsamic vinegar (that beautiful liquid), with a bit of dish soap and a drizzle of honey.
No saran wrap required :) The flies are supposed to fly down to taste the balsamic and get caught in the dish soap.

I also sprayed the fruit flies directly with Windex. This does not work. Save your Windex for more philanthropic causes.


And also because I was feeling all creative and smart...

I poured a mixture of honey and dish soap into a dish so that as soon as they touched it they would drown a sweet, bubbly death.


I left them overnight (with the exception of Numero Tres because that was a eureka moment today).


Shall we see how our contenders did??


Numero Uno...

Ahhhh very nice, very nice. Quite impressive I must say.


Numero DOS!!

A little disappointing at first glance. The flies seemed to think it was cooler to hang out on the rim rather than go for a swim (ohhhh look at me rhyme...)

But then...

The watery grave revealed something different. Kudos Numero DOS!!


Numero Tres...

Uh huh...

This is why I don't create how-to websites.


SO moral of the story, my kitchen is almost completely fruit fly free! Now I can chop up food without feeling like I'm about to feed hundreds of tiny mouths.

If anyone has any ideas or advice on this...issue...feel free to share! And I also give you free reign to re-post these pictures as cover photos for Facebook or desktop backgrounds for your computer if you feel the need to share the beauty of domestic pests.


OH! And the lovely link for these ideas can be found here.